What am I doing here?

by Raymund Tamayo

I rise up and lie down on bed every day doing the same routine.

Wake up in the morning and prepare for work. On auto-pilot as I do rituals necessary for good hygiene.

After that, hurry to eat breakfast, brush teeth, drive to work.

At work, spend the next 9 hours or so multi-tasking.

When lucky enough, gets to spend a few minutes chatting nonsense with friends while drinking instant coffee, then hurry off again to urgent tasks.

At the end of the day, work gets done somehow, and the excitement of the exhausting drive home where dinner and loved ones await is overcome by the worries of tomorrow’s again urgent, unending tasks.

After dinner, watch some nonsense tv again, midnight snack… until I doze off.

It was like that. Again and again.

Every freakin’ day.

Man-made Ideal

Then, while all these are happening, there is this ideal image of success – something that everyone seems to want to become.

People who are successful are always busy, have big houses, fancy cars, nice gadgets, and a 6-figure income.

The pressure to follow this man-made ideal is somewhat getting stronger than the ability to let the real honest-to-goodness self rise out.

It’s an unconscious conditioning that this is the purpose of life, the reason for living.

So instead of closing in on my own true purpose, I am drifting, moving from different jobs, relationships, hobbies, and activities hoping that somehow, somewhere, somewhen I will be able to hit it.

In the meantime, life is moving on without sense of fulfillment or meaning.

Life without Purpose

This is life without purpose.

It seems tiresome, boring, unfulfilling, uncontrollable, and exhausting.

It’s as if the outer facade is out of sync from one’s inner self.

Not knowing the purpose of our existence is dangerous. We might be spending our time, energy, and money doing the wrong things.

We might be spending our precious life pursuing things that is really not us.

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