What It Means to be Whole
An emotionally healthy person is whole. He is not insecure. He doesn't have ill-thoughts about others - always gives them the benefit of the doubt.
He doesn't need someone else's validation to be
happy - because he accepts himself. He doesn't need someone else to love him in
order to feel loved - because he knows he is already loved.
That's not to say that he doesn't want others in his
life, he just doesn’t need to, because he already has the Foundation that completes
him.
When you are whole, you are not insecure, because
you aren't worried so much about the other person leaving. Sure, it would be a
great loss for a loved one to abandon you, but you'd be fine on your own. You
wouldn't be "alone" because you have the best company in the world -
yourself and your Foundation.
You know you'd survive, be happy, do great things,
even without this person. That's not to say you don't want someone to stay -
but you aren't always afraid of the possibility of that person leaving.
When you are whole, you don't need the other person
to check in with you all the time because you're happy on your own. You're okay
if they go and do their own thing, because you're secure in your relationship
and you're perfectly fine doing your own thing, too. You don't need reassurance
of that person's love because you are already secure.
When you are whole, you are not dependent on anyone
for happiness. Insecurity, jealousy, and dependency don’t make for a good,
happy, and healthy relationship.
An insecure person always wonders what's wrong in
her relationships. She always wants her needs met immediately, she expects that
others has to keep making her happy, expects others to always be in a good
mood, and doesn't want others to have the freedom to do their own thing while she
does hers. This person is not yet ready for a long term relationship.
A solid relationship is between two whole persons
coming together because they love each other. They are not dependent on each
other, but are interdependent, they are a team.
They're not coming together because they need
someone to love them all the time, or they need someone's company all the time,
or they need to be shown that they're loved all the time.
They are not insecure.
If one person is whole and the other person is
needy, dependent, insecure... the whole person will do his best to help the
other, but over the long run will feel weary of all the neediness and
insecurity, and will feel resentment.
If both are needy and insecure, there will be
constant fights about why you didn't check in with me, why you're so distant
today, why you're talking to that guy, what you're doing when you go out with
your friends, etc.
But if both people are whole, they can be apart and
are secure enough not to worry about the other person, and are happy being
alone. When they come together again, they are happy, enjoying each other's
company.
They don't need each other to be complete, because
they're made whole by their Foundation, but they love each other and care for
the other person's happiness - not worrying so much about their own happiness
because they are secure that they're happy already.
They respect each other, and their own selves. They
are compassionate for each other, and their own selves.
This is why it is very important to be made whole
first - to have a strong Foundation - in order to have an equally strong
relationship with other people.
