What Is An Emotionally Matured Person

by Raymund Tamayo

An emotionally healthy person is whole. He is not insecure. He doesn't have ill-thoughts about others - always gives them the benefit of the doubt.

He doesn't need someone else's validation to be happy - because he accepts himself. He doesn't need someone else to love him in order to feel loved - because he knows he is already loved.

That's not to say that he doesn't want others in his life, but he already has the Foundation that he needs to be complete.

When you are whole, you are not insecure, because you aren't worried so much about the other person leaving. Sure, it would be a great loss for a loved one to abandon you, but you'd be fine on your own. You wouldn't be "alone" because you have the best company in the world - yourself and your Foundation.

You know you'd survive, be happy, do great things, even without this person. That's not to say you don't want someone to stay - but you aren't always afraid of the possibility of that person leaving.

When you are whole, you don't need the other person to check in with you all the time because you're happy on your own. You're OK if they go and do their own thing, because you're secure in your relationship and you're perfectly fine doing your own thing, too. You don't need reassurance of that person's love because you are secure.

When you are whole, you are not dependent on anyone for happiness. Insecurity, jealousy, and dependency doesn't make for a good, happy, and healthy relationship.

An insecure person always wonders what's wrong in his relationships. He always wants his needs met immediately, he expects that others has to keep making him happy, expects others to always be in a good mood, and doesn't want others to have the freedom to do their own thing while he does his. This person is not yet ready for a long term relationship.

A solid relationship is between two whole persons coming together because they love each other. They are not dependent on each other, but are interdependent, they are a team.

They're not coming together because they need someone to love them all the time, because they need someone's company all the time, because they need to be shown that they're loved all the time.

They are not insecure.

If one person is whole and the other person is needy, dependent, insecure... the whole persone will do his best to help the other, but over the long run will feel weary of all the neediness and insecurity, and will feel resentment.

If both are needy and insecure, there will be constant fights about why you didn't check in with me, why you're so distant today, why you're talking to that guy, what you're doing when you go out with your friends, etc.

But if both people are whole, they can be apart and are secure enough not to worry about the other person, and are happy being alone. They can come together and be happy, enjoying each other's company.

They don't need each other to be complete, because they're made whole by their Foundation, but they love each other and care for the other person's happiness - not worrying so much about their own happiness because they are secure that they're happy already.

They respect each other, and their own selves. They are compassionate for each other, and their own selves.

This is why it is very important to be made whole first - to have a strong Foundation - in order to have an equally strong relationship with other people.