Beware of Victim Mentality

by Raymund Tamayo

I’m not going to beat around the bush here.

Victim mentality is dangerous.

If you want to live a life of purpose, you have to reject this way of thinking.

A person with victim mentality is characterized by the following:

• Having the belief that others are responsible for her happiness and the fulfillment of her needs.
• Having feelings of entitlement and demanding being taken care of.
• Having low self-esteem and high self-pity.
• Constant blaming and complaining to manipulate others to be responsible for her.
• Inability to adapt to inconveniences and avoiding them.
• Inability to fulfill their core survival needs on their own, like preparing meals, washing dishes, cleaning their living area, etc.
• Having strong urges to control and manipulate others to make what they want happen.
• Tendency to always think ill or negative of other people.
• Impatience, having the “what I want, I want it now” attitude.
• Arrogance, having the “It’s not fair. I deserve it” attitude.

People with victim mentality are always angry, not contented, worrying, and fearful.

If they don’t get what they want, they will not take responsibility and always blame others for their difficulties.

They have a hard time accepting being turned down or receiving a negative response. For example, when you invite your best friend for dinner and she turns you down, you immediately think ill of her instead of remembering that she had just started working and needed to get up early tomorrow.

Persons with victim mentality always think that they are the center of the universe and that everything is made for their convenience. They think that everything has got to do with them, even if they are not involved in a certain issue or situation.

They do not care about the inconveniences of other people, as long as they are comfortable.

As you can see, having victim mentality is harmful not just for you but for your loved ones as well.

How to Break Out of a Victim Mentality

Here are some tips on how to be free of victim mentality:

1. Take responsibility for your own life.

The easiest way to get rid of this troublesome mindset is to simply take responsibility for your own life.  Be self-sufficient and stop being dependent of others. Stop thinking that everyone makes it hard for you. You are the only one making it hard for yourself. If you want something done your way, then do it yourself.

When you don’t need anyone to make yourself happy, you will begin to think like a victor instead of a victim. Stop relying on praise from other people to feel good about yourself. Instead, ignore what others are saying and just love being you.

2. Always be thankful.

Realize that you have a lot to be grateful for in your life. There are millions of people that would trade their lives to be in your shoes today. Always look for the opportunity in every inconvenience.

For example, if a storm ruins your family’s vacation by making you all stay in, take it as an opportunity to bond with each other and improve your relationships.

3. Be quick to forgive.

Stop harboring feelings of anger, hate, and bitterness in your heart. This quote from Catherine Ponder says it all:

“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.”

As long as you don’t forgive someone, that someone has a hold on you. Your thoughts will always return to that person and what she did to you. When you forgive, you are not only releasing that person, but you are actually releasing yourself.

4. Focus on providing solutions.

Instead of always looking for what you want and what you deserve, start noticing what others need.

Simply ask this question: “What can I do to make other people’s lives better?”

It shifts your focus from self-pity into self-sufficiency. Because how can you help others with their needs, if you can’t satisfy your own needs by yourself.

Have you noticed that people who always depend on others for their core survival needs are always the losers? They can’t do anything but sulk when the person they are depending on doesn’t want to help them anymore.

If you are the one providing help, that means they need you, and you are the winner. You are the one in control because you can live and go on with your normal way of life without them, if they want it. They have no right to be angry at you because they are the ones who need you. If they hate you and don’t want to see you again, then good riddance.

Remember this: If you provide solutions, then you are the victor. If you are always needy, then you must be the victim.

Living a Life of Purpose

If you want to fulfill your God-given purpose, then by all means stay away from this kind of mentality.

You are a child of the Most High, you are fearfully and wonderfully made, you are gifted by the Master Giver, you are complete in Him!

Ultimately, the choice is yours. Decide today that you will take responsibility for everything in your life, forgive and be thankful, and provide solutions as often as you can.